Wow its 2009
So now the Yankee chicks want to know WHY RADISH? Try explaining that a red radish is like a carrot in shape, when all the radishes these kids have seen are little round thingos the size of a train controller’s cojones.
So it came to pass that the BIG red radish had to go to the shop and buy some veggies and bugger me dead (please don’t) the young daughter of the Grand Republic didn’t know what Brussell sprouts or parsnips were. Forget about trying to explain the relationship between Brussell sprouts and Lord Baden Powell. Parsnips I tried to explain were a lot like a carrot that wasn’t sunburned. Or a radish that wasn’t red. No she insisted radishes are little round hot things the colour of Tricky’s tu tu. How a naïve little Wyoming wench knows about a gaggle of shirt lifters in pink tu tus is beyond me, but she insisted. I thought about showing her what a red radish really looked like but I didn’t want her to put it on the scales as I would have had to pay (should I say) handsomely. Plus her
rather attractive mum was waiting to take young Pocahontas home. I asked where they lived and found out it was in my neighborhood where the water pressure is piss poor and taking a shower would even please a Pom. Now here is the new pickup line for attractive mums.
“How’s your water pressure?” Followed smartly by, “Can I take a shower at your place?”
I got a “Really terrific” and a “Not on your Nelly.” Response so I need to work on the pickup lines a bit. Maybe a water temperature question followed by a “Can I dip my thermometer in” might work but I would be afraid she might say, “That thermometer looks a lot like a shriveled up old red radish.”
Now spud taters have a lot of starch in them as young Army Apprentii found out when trying to make Khaki drill shirts and pants look presentable by soaking the clothing in spud juice prior to ironing. If the iron was too hot the outfit smelled like hot chips. But I digress. Where I was heading with this was, why don’t radishes have starch in them so they stayed stiff and easier to peel? Its hard err difficult to grip a limp radish and can lead to accidents. Nicole Kidman never had that problem though she just wondered why RED? When all the ones she had seen were rather pale and had blue lines running the full length. I just told her to keep her eyes closed when handling the merchandise.
She said, “And think of England?”
Bloody wimmen, why would she be thinking of geography at a time like this?
Anyway Nicky is a lot smarter than the yanks who work at Woolies, especially if they are ‘Jenny-no-stars.’
